How to Actually Find Your Personal Style
Feeling like you've lost your sense of style? Here's how to start figuring out what actually feels like you, whatever chapter of life you're in.
It's been a little while since I first wrote about finding your personal style, and after many more wardrobes and conversations with clients, I wanted to share a refreshed take.
Have you ever looked into your wardrobe and thought, "I don't even know what my style is anymore"?
If so, you're definitely not alone. It's one of the things I hear most often from the women I work with, and honestly, I've felt it myself. As a mum of three, there have been plenty of seasons where getting dressed was more about survival than self-expression!
Maybe you used to feel confident in what you wore, but life has changed. Your body has changed, your lifestyle has changed, or your priorities have changed. Perhaps you've never really felt like you had a defined style in the first place. You know what you like when you see it, but translating that into your own wardrobe feels much harder.
The good news? You don't need to choose an aesthetic, follow a set of fashion rules or completely overhaul your wardrobe to find your personal style.
Your personal style is already there. The trick is learning how to recognise it.
So, what actually is personal style?
Personal style is the way you consistently express yourself through what you wear.
It's not simply whether you're "classic", "boho", "minimalist" or "edgy". And it's certainly not about following every trend that happens to be popular.
Your style is influenced by things like:
• your personality
• your lifestyle
• your preferences
• your body and proportions
• your comfort
• the colours, fabrics and silhouettes you're naturally drawn to
• the way you want to feel when you get dressed.
That's why someone else's "perfect wardrobe" can look beautiful but still feel completely wrong for you. Style is personal, and that's exactly why finding yours takes a little more self-reflection than a Pinterest quiz.
1. Start with the clothes you actually wear
This is one of the easiest places to start. Forget about what you think your style should be for a moment, and look at what you actually reach for.
Which outfits do you wear on repeat? Which pieces make you feel good? What do you instinctively choose when you're running late and need to know you'll feel comfortable and pulled together?
You might notice patterns. Perhaps you always gravitate towards relaxed trousers, simple tops and a great pair of earrings. Or maybe it's jeans, a beautiful blouse and loafers.
Those patterns are clues. Your existing wardrobe can tell you a lot about your style, if you know how to look at it.
2. Pay attention to how you want to feel
This is one of my favourite questions to ask when helping someone discover their style:
"How do you want to feel in your clothes?"
Maybe you want to feel comfortable, polished, feminine, relaxed, confident, effortless, sophisticated, creative or understated.
There isn't a right answer, and you don't need to choose words that sound fashionable. The important thing is that they mean something to you. What we wear is so closely tied to how we see ourselves, and how we want others to see us, so this question often gets to the heart of things faster than any mood board.
Your style should support how you want to move through the world, rather than becoming another set of expectations you have to meet.
3. Dress for the life you live, not the one you pin
This is a big one.
It's very easy to build a Pinterest board around the woman you wish you dressed like. Maybe she's wearing beautiful linen dresses, heels and tailored blazers.
If your life involves school drop-offs, working from home, daycare runs, walking the dog and chasing kids around the playground, there's a good chance that wardrobe isn't going to feel particularly wearable.
That doesn't mean you can't have beautiful pieces or dress up. It simply means your wardrobe needs to work for the life you actually live.
Ask yourself: What do I spend most of my time doing? Then ask: Does my wardrobe support that?
4. Notice what you're drawn to, but don't stop there
Pinterest, Instagram and fashion magazines can be incredibly useful for style inspiration. Instead of simply saving an outfit because you like the overall look, start asking yourself: What exactly do I like about this?
Is it the colour? The silhouette? The relaxed fit? The simplicity? The texture, the proportions, the accessories, or the way the whole outfit feels?
This is where inspiration becomes useful. You aren't trying to recreate someone else's wardrobe. You're looking for patterns in what you're naturally drawn to.
5. Find your style words
Once you've started noticing those patterns, try to narrow them down into a few words. One of my favourite tools for this, and one I use with my clients, is the Three-Word Method created by New York stylist Allison Bornstein. (If you'd like to go deeper, her book Wear It Well explains it beautifully.) Rather than trying to come up with a complicated style identity, you land on three words that capture your style. For example:
• Relaxed + classic + refined
• Feminine + effortless + playful
• Minimal + modern + comfortable
In her method, each word plays a different role: one practical, one aspirational and one emotional. Working out which words fit you is where things get really interesting, and it's one of my favourite parts of a style session!
These words become a kind of filter for your wardrobe. When you're considering a new piece, you can ask: Does this feel like me?
Not "Is this fashionable?" or "Does everyone else have one?", and not just "Does this technically suit my body?". Instead, ask: Does this feel aligned with my personal style?
6. Don't forget your body and proportions
Personal style isn't just about aesthetics. How clothing works with your proportions can have a huge impact on how comfortable and confident you feel in an outfit.
That doesn't mean there are rules about what you can and can't wear. Instead, understanding things like proportion, scale and fit gives you more information to work with, so you can make intentional choices about how you want an outfit to look and feel on your body.
Because ultimately, the best style rules are the ones you understand well enough to decide when to break.
7. Experiment before you overhaul your wardrobe
You don't need to throw everything out and start again.
In fact, I'd encourage you not to! Instead, experiment:
• Try wearing a piece in a different way.
• Swap your usual shoes.
• Add an accessory you wouldn't normally choose.
• Try a different silhouette.
• Wear the outfit you've been "saving".
• Take photos of outfits you love.
Then pay attention to what works. Style develops through experimentation, and the more you wear, notice and reflect, the clearer your preferences become.
8. Remember that your style can change
This is perhaps the most important part. Your personal style isn't something you figure out once and then lock in forever. You are allowed to change.
Your body changes. Your lifestyle changes. Your work changes. Your priorities change. Often these shifts happen so slowly that we barely notice them, until one day we open our wardrobe and realise it no longer feels right. The clothes that once felt completely "you" simply don't anymore. Our lives move on, and our wardrobes typically take a little while to catch up.
That's not a failure. It might just mean you're entering a new chapter, and your wardrobe should be able to evolve with you.
If you'd like a simple place to start, grab a notebook (or the notes app on your phone!) and spend ten minutes writing down:
1. 3 outfits you wear on repeat. What do they have in common?
2. 3 words for the style you'd love more of. Think about the outfits you save, pin or admire. What words describe them?
3. 3 words for how you want to feel in your clothes. Playful? Unexpected? Feminine? Confident?
4. 3 things your wardrobe needs to show up for, and what would help you feel like you in each.
My free Style Reflection worksheet takes you further. It helps you connect your answers, land on your own style words and put them into practice in your week. Grab your free worksheet here!
So, how do you know when you've found your style?
I don't think there's a single moment where everything suddenly clicks. Instead, you start to notice that getting dressed becomes easier.
You know what you like. You know what you don't. Shopping becomes more intentional, and you stop buying quite so many "maybe" pieces. Your wardrobe starts to feel like a reflection of you, rather than a collection of clothes you've accumulated along the way.
And perhaps most importantly, you start getting dressed and thinking:
"Yep. This feels like me."
That's really what personal style is all about!
Want some help putting it all together? Keen to transform your wardrobe? Book a free discovery call with me, and let's uncover your personal style together!
Yours in style
Libbie x
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